“Zero-cost abstractions.”
My brother in Christ, you cloned the entire database.
RUST.NOLARP.SPACE / EST. SEGFAULT
MEMORY SAFE.
EMOTIONALLY
UNSAFE.*
bro, you couldn’t manage RAM in C.
now you’re letting a crab manage your career.
BORROW SOME EMOTIONAL DAMAGE ↘NO LIFETIME
GUARANTEES.
GUARANTEES.
EXHIBIT_001.JPGLIVE FROM PRODUCTION ↗
SAFE*
* your feelings are outside the safety guarantees.01 / ∞
ZERO COST ABSTRACTIONS*✳INFINITE COST COMPILATIONS✳FEARLESS CONCURRENCY. FEARFUL DEVELOPERS.✳
01 / THE BORROWED JOKES
LET HIM COMPILE.
Fresh cope. Static lifetimes.
Hand-crafted emotional damage.
FIX THE3-LINE BUGREWRITE IT
IN RUST
The problem was CSS.
Six months later: same bug. New language. No users.
“JUST WAIT FOR THE BUILD”cargo build --releaseBlazingly fast. Eventually.
Saved 4 milliseconds at runtime. Lost my twenties at compile time.
02 / ASK THE CRABDOES YOUR CODE
DOES YOUR CODE
PASS THE VIBE CHECK?
The compiler is your therapist now.
It also thinks you have ownership issues.
error[E0382]: use of moved value: `self_esteem`
help: try touching grass
help: try touching grass
IT’S OKAY.
YOU CAN JUST LIKE RUST.
You don’t have to make it your entire personality.
But since you’re here, have another one.
“Rust developers don’t have exes. They have dropped references.”